Stupid Deaths
by Vengence-Angel2010
Summary: Series of one-shots depicting the meeting of various characters with Death, after fictional, and rather ignomious ends. Mildly amusing (To me at least).


**I Own Nothing! So There.**

**Here shall be some one-shots about stupid deaths of Harry Potter characters that, should they have happened, would have thrown the entire series into chaos.  
This one was prompted by the dead bat hanging from the power-lines up the street.  
Ideas and prompts are welcome.**

_On a side note__: none of my other stories; HP, Naruto or Bleach fandoms are abandonned. I just have misplaced my muse. _  
_On another side note__: A Haunting Tale has been adopted! I hope Shadow Kross and Sasori's-sexy-assistant (each having a go at AHT, and Shadow is having a go at finishing Changed Existence aswell) will recieve your support. _

_Thank you! :p _

* * *

Death sat at the table at the gateway to the Underworld, as he did every day, and has done since the beginning of time, and probably would continue to do for the rest of time to come. His two 'secretaries', lesser demonic beings of his own creation, (Ha! Take that Mother Earth, you're not the only one who can create!), sat on either side of him filing all the necessary details of who died, who's being re-incarnated, and who still has penance to pay.

So while the two secretaries had freed up a decent quantity of Death's free time, they barely had any personality between them, (Just because Death _could_ create, didn't mean he was particularly good at it), which resulted in quite a lot of boredom for everyone's favourite deity.

As so often happened, approximately once every five living seconds, (time has a funny way of passing at different increments in the Underworld and therefore is a very poor measure of, well, anything), another deceased soul shimmered into being at the back of the surprisingly short queue. Just because Death's secretaries have no personality, doesn't make them any less efficient at their jobs.

That soul at the back of the queue was none other than Professor Severus T. Snape.

Death was really rather irritated after having just processed the group of young Austrians. They just didn't seem to want to understand that rolling an overloaded Jeep on a sand dune, without wearing seatbelts, could quite possibly be fatal. One day Death was going to sucker Calypso into a game of poker (she _ALWAYS_ lost) and get her to wreck that place called Fraser Island. Bloody young humans, never aware of their own mortality, Death shook his head.

"Name?" The deity asked blandly, hoping to Purgatory it wasn't another young tourist.

"Why is it pertinent for me to state my name? As a supposed 'God' shouldn't you already have all this information?" A snarky voice replied. Death slowly raised his head to the newly deceased. The secretaries paused in their recording, but otherwise failed to react.

"Actually that's under the jurisdiction of the Sisters Fate, you know Past, Present and Future? Though they get really shirty if you actually call them that." The God wrinkled his nose. He was currently appearing as a young-ish human with blood red hair, pure white eyes, black as night skin, and just for the hell of it, a pair of vampire fangs. Every so often he would decide to change his physical appearance to get a rise out of newly departed souls. The day he appeared as a purplish skinned, Tooth Fairy reject still caused the god to snicker uncontrollably. The Secretaries didn't even blink.

"Severus Tobias Snape, Potions Master and Professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." The man spat, his face an impassive mask.

"Well, not anymore." Death replied cheekily. "Unless of course, you were a ghost, but then you wouldn't be here seeing me." The now ex-professor and ex-Potions Master scowled impressively.

"So," Death began after an awkward silence, "For recording purposes, how did you die?" The man's scowl became darker. The up-beat deity smiled politely, waiting for a response. Finally Snape sighed.

"I was assigned 'guard duty' on Potter and his waste-of-space relatives. To avoid being detected by any Death Eaters who might have been in the area, I chose to utilise my animagus form." The voice of the newly-deceased man was bitingly cold.

"Oo-oo! What animal are you? A vulture? Horse? I know, a Toucan!" The deity interrupted.

"No." Severus snapped, before sighing again. "My form is a South American, White Winged Vampire bat. Without looking especially closely, my form is easily dismissed as a native UK species."

"I can certainly see the bat part, and the vampire part. I really hate vampires, you know. Always escaping and hiding in coffins. Very disrespectful to me; after all I am Death, you know." Death interrupted again. "Where were we? Ah yes, you were being a bat to spy on some kid. What happened next?"

"I was roosted on the powerlines above Potter's house, utilising echolocation to determine the insolent brat's activities, when the wind blew." The Potions Master looked like he was about to be force-fed a lemon-drop. "I attempted to steady myself, when the thumb on my wing grabbed onto the neighbouring power cable. I was electrocuted."

Death fell out of his chair laughing.

The secretaries dutifully recorded all the pertinent details, while the heavily snickering deity waved Severus Snape on into the after-life from his position on the floor.

Severus scowled again, spinning dramatically and stalking towards his next adventure, holding tight to the tattered remains of his pride.


End file.
